a year

it hit a year this month. it reach this far already. i remember the first time i did my asana. my first cycle of suryanamanaskar. i realized something all along. that human need bodily experience to gain their perspectives, balance with their mind and soul. yoga had been giving me those. it gave me the balance and the way to control my sanity.

it is a simple as taking a breath but fully conscious with what is happening to your body, to your world. somehow it started a very intimate relations with the self, deep inside. it took me time to crack myself up. not only my muscle, limb, but also the depth of my heart.

and now, all of it is a part of me. a part of my journey and path.

namaste.

 

9: growing the light

it has somehow reach to this far. it is not far. but for me, it is worth to reflect. after nearly nine months, i’m officially a yoga addict. yoga has somehow reach to a point where it’s part of my life and i believe it is also one of my path in life. having yoga in my daily routine had teaches me to let go a lot of unnecessary burden that had been accumulating in my life. it made me went through the process of separating and now entering my legal divorce process smoothly. it heals every single wound that i have been hiding all this time. it strengthening not only my body but also my inner self. it grow the light inside my heart which i didn’t know i still have. i felt like i’m entering a phase where i give birth to myself. to my own happiness and being.

i took time to just breath and live on the moment. on my present being. to be aware that i’m here and i’m alive. that life has ever been miraculous. that every being is blessed.

om mane padme hum

the fifth month

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this is the fifth month since i’ve been doing yoga. towards the end of the year, many things come as a reflection. what is important for me now, is to know that yoga is a path that i wanted to do and keep on doing. it’s one thing in my life that i’m total sure about beside writing. yoga help me to let go of things i need to let go. helping me to clearly see what i need and not what i just want. i realized after so many things i’ve been through this year, which were tough, i need the time to heal.

yoga heal me through my soul. i remember arriving from jakarta and let myself cried in the last few session i had with sebastian. it’s good to cry and really let go of things. i haven’t really cried that much, the last few years somehow had me to keep things inside me, to hold on and held back. crying made me feel relief. since my mother past away, i’ve been holding myself to remain strong. but now i realize, to cry and admit yourself that you’re weak is what make you really strong in the end. because you past it and you finish on it. it’s a part of me but it’s not who i am anymore.

it’s great to be back again in yogya and doing yoga. it’s just a thing i keep up daily, as much as i can. i feel myself i’m reaching further deep inside myself. growing myself little by little, bit by bit. i start to do shiatsu with sebastian, i might keep it regular next year, i know i like to push myself when i’m working and i need it. things i need to heal were not only in appearance but something deeper. i found shiatsu really made me relaxed and energized. letting the energy to flow back through my veins. my feelings somehow renew. it’s like steeping inside and left your burden forever.

i need to do what i’ve been needing to do. yoga is one of them. i’m considering to make some time for a meditation retreat, the only consideration is related to bhumy. i do have to prepared him for some travel i had to do next year. i’m starting to let things take me to wherever it will take me. yoga is one of them.

the path that take me

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i can’t believe that it’s been a month that i’ve been in bogor. and throughout the period i did my morning yoga session, even for as short as 15 minutes. before i left yogya, sebastian gave me some basic pose to train by myself. to just do it everyday. the most challenging about this process is that i’m living at my grandma’s house for a while. it’s one of the hardest test to my patience and temper. i do realize the only thing that keep my sanity intact is my yoga session.

it help me to overcome a lot. all those emotional pouring. all those holding on. all those miss. finding myself inside, in whatever situation and circumstances. it’s hard to keep still. but i found myself to keep on standing straight. i bend over. but i don’t fall anymore. i don’t.

glad to know it now. namaste, sebastian.

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the most funniest thing about sebastian is that he made the doodles above for my notes to keep. those hieroglyph is just the funkiest yoga illustration. love it. i can’t wait to be back to yogya to continue my sessions.

starting my yoga diary

i’m typing this entry with the restraint on my muscle and drinking ginger-honey hot drink to ease some pain. i finished my fourth and fifth yoga session last monday and today made me think.

it’s amazing how five sessions alone could take you to reflect your entire life. your living pattern. your habit. your characteristic. your breath. thought there’s no magic in it. there are compassion, patient, hard work, discipline, strong heart, balance mind and lastly: belief.

i believe there’s no coincidence. i’m in a point in my life where i had the strongest urge to find a yoga teacher and now i have time, no actually, i make time. in the past, i asked 2 persons to be my yoga teacher, finding a right one is like finding a soulmate. and when i found sebastian, i felt there is a clicking sound somewhere in the universe.

i registered for 4 sessions at first. after the first session, i felt everything had put me into the ground, at that 90 minutes, there are moments where i found myself shaking my entire being. i decided to register for 8 session at the end of the first session. now i recognize that i had impulse like that when i found something that i’m looking for. i realized i had to take a slower path. regulating 4 session a month first (especially with the time, i am a single mother after all, in some points in life i had to be realistic), and might add some session in d’omah on the weekend.

thought the most exciting of this experience is that i share some session with my dearest friends. it strengthen something inside us three. i’m hoping for more future session with my dearest mates.

i took yin and yang yoga class the first two sessions. the first was grounding me. the second because the composition of the class consist mostly beginner, we start basic hatha yoga. it’s strengthening.

the third one, i took the yin yoga class, a meditative one with abmi. it was just the two of us that afternoon, so it’s more private session. it was really relaxing and giving personal insight for both of us.

i tried taking double session last monday. first the yin class and then the yin-yang class with dalih. the day after, i feel my limit, my pain, my endurance and i try to heal myself. the yin class where i did one pose that day nearly made me cry. megan, gede’s friend who also join the class also felt that urge too somehow. and when sebastian said: let go. i felt like i’m letting go my pain. the yin yang class with dalih, get me to know myself, that i like to test my endurance to pain and that i’m in some way maybe a pain addict. and i haven’t been giving time for myself to heal.

now sipping the last sip of my ginger and honey drink. i sit here. and felt my breath run through my veins. throughout my entire body. those five sessions surely teach me how to breath again. i used have a bad habit having to breath with my mouth and i don’t feel myself sometimes. now, i breath, in and out, i can feel my toes touching the ground. i amazed myself, it has been that long that i actually felt something like it. feeling my breathing.

it’s funny how abmi said that yoga is going to be my rites. it’s funny how i answer to sebastian on my second session that doing yoga for me is like being with god (whatever god is).

i hope this is one step for me to the path of dharma.

be patient with yourself.

keeping still is not easy.

om mane padme hum

the yoga in me

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my mom introduce me to yoga a long time ago. i was still in high school. i remember they focus on some pranayama techniques. we even have classes at our old house. mostly senior members around the housing complex join the class. maybe because the class was full with old people and the yoga (it was a modified ones) was mainly seems like a “senam kesegaran jasmani” to me then.

after my mother passed away i inherit her yoga mat. every time i felt feeling uneasy, i lay down in her yoga mat, it had some calming aura somehow (even now it become bhumy’s favorite sitting spot). that same year (2006), where i experience some kind of depression, i started to do yoga. just by looking and reading yoga books. that period had helped me stop smoking and was taking me to vegetarianism.

i met a friend who is a yoga teacher in jakarta last january and she guided me through a basic surya namanaskar. the session end with me drench in sweats. it was such a different feeling. after stopping being vegetarian for a while and haven’t doing any yoga since giving birth. i realized that i need a yoga teacher very soon.

after being through another hectic period in life and slowing down my pace of life, i make time this month to apply for a yoga class at sangham yoga. sangham is a yoga studio, indian restaurant and gallery, such a lovely place to be in the middle of jalan kaliurang hecticness. last week my feet was dragging me there and register for a class. i did the class last friday afternoon. i felt like crying my soul and body to the ground. i felt such a relieved and joy. i guess i found the yoga inside my being that afternoon. i’m committing myself to do yoga like i commit to myself. i have to make time for myself.

and yes, sangham is my current favorite place in this lovely city of mine.

namaste, sebastian.

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